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The Black Spots and the White Spots

I wrote a diary entry. And I felt like posting. Writing because I want to. Not because I have to. Not because it is my job now to write about health. Also, this post will have words involving many languages. Not because I want to show off. Just because some feelings seem right in some languages, more than others. At least to me. Anyway here is this diary entry.  Annyeong. (Hello in Korean) Naneun kkum-gatteun saesang sogeseo sarasseo. Hangsang.   (I have lived in a dream-like world. Always.) I thought living practically would benefit me. But at the same time, I thought there would be some aspects of the world that would be ideal. Some parts, that would be utopian. Some parts that would make me feel that there is some value that I am adding to the world.  I have been practical, yet I have dreamt.  Looking back is all I can do.  Looking forward is intimidating. This is something that I have realized to be common between me and my Maa. I am afraid I would resemble her, more and more as I
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The friends in my life

I can write a lot on this, honestly. I have had my fair share of friends. While life moved on, friends that were just meant to be stayed on. The ones that were just meant to be acquaintances got weeded out. It's not just me. I am sure that's how it is. Life.  The ones who stayed behind are special to me. We have stories that are unique just to us. Ages go by without one single text message, no signs of any contact or being in touch, and then Padam! Dishoom! One of us will remember "Hey! I have a friend that I still love so much and I wonder what happened to them." It all starts with a message (or two!) and what ensues afterward is a barrage of texts- incoming, outgoing, loads of dings. In Hindi we say - Aur dekhte hi dekhte kaise waqt nikal gaya pata nahi chala.  I am always amazed. I am amazed at the magic there is in the friendships that I have and how cherished and loved these friendships manage to make me feel.  I am blessed. All the times when life throws curveba
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When the Stars Appear

 I went out on a walk with my Baba today. It was not quite 6 in the evening. These days we hardly go out, as it is sweltering hot out. But, "Indradev" promised some respite, and the welcome drop in the temperature in the midst of summer, felt like the "Jayabheri" for the upcoming rain. Having exhausted my metaphors, let's move ahead.  One moment I saw kids playing at this park in our colony, and the next moment the mothers in the park started shooing their kids back home. With them gone, we finally found a bench to sit on, Baba and I. I wondered why the kids were already back home. Was it the heat? Was it study time already! But isn't it summer vacation time! Suddenly, I got reminded of what my mother used to say when I was a teeny weeny kid. "Come back home when you can spot 4 stars in the sky!" It was my grandma's cardinal rule too, Maa says. Funnily I hardly went out to play, so I hardly followed that rule. But I loved to ride my cycle, a He
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Is it Dark Enough?

It is getting dark outside. But not quite. The yellow light of the lamp post is shining, and there is a pool of light below on the ground. As I said earlier, it is not pitch dark yet. Stormy winds are blowing. The storm isn't here yet. The lights at home are out, and I am outside, sitting on a weathered wooden stool; meditative music playing on my phone, Spotify setting the tone of the evening. I am sitting out, but not quite outside. I am still in the cocoon of my house, on the verandah, patio whatever it's called. The big gate is looming in front of me. Mosquitoes are humming to the anticipation of my blood. Nah, I know it's their wings flapping. They don't want to make a single sound, wanting to creep up surreptitiously, as noiselessly as possible. Yet here they are, betrayed by their own wings.  I am reading a book called Sputnik Sweetheart. I am on a Murakami spree these days. trying to give up my phone addiction. Am I there yet? Nah, not quite.  I feel like the mo
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Where am I - 10 years, 8 months and 7 days later?

                      It is interesting how Ali Abdaal's video on " How writing online made me a millionaire" encouraged me to look back on this blog that I had created, 10 years back. Looking back, I realized how innocent I was and how it reflected in my writing - my naivete, my honesty, and my feelings. Many things have changed since. I am not the spunky kid that I used to be, full of dreams and hope. Experience and life occupied those 10 years. I studied at the University of Hyderabad for a degree that taught me how to be open to different things that life throws at you (Systems Biology- also Uni changed the name of this Course to Biology, which I find lame). I also enrolled in a Ph.D. program that didn't work out (I held out for as long as I could though, 4 years, my goodness!). A few days back, my friends who were together since school days, became parents; many others are marrying while many others are comfortably settled in their jobs, posting Insta posts of th
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Idiotic

I was alone at home....... Nobody was anywhere around....... T'was a perfectly nice day........  Yet something was wrong....... Something was amiss...... What was it? What was it???? The gas was on....... The lighter not working....... My vain attempts to light the stove...... The fire was finally lighted...... My heart heaved a sigh of relief....... Yet something was wrong....... Somehow....... I went to my room...... Put on the TV........ Sat down to eat...... A fly had come to share my space..... I shooed it away..... My heart trembled.... Something was wrong...... I went to the kitchen again.... To dispose of the remnants of my food......... I came out........ I shrieked with fear....... What did I see??? Why did I scream???? Yes something was indeed wrong!!!!! The creature was looking at me with alacrity...... Yeah, she had the urge to jump at me........ But she didn't,  Thankfully..... But thankfully, nothing was wrong as I expected..... Why she was just a green eyed,
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The Black horse

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Saw a beautiful black horse, stomping her feet in pride, up and about in Meade's hollow beautiful, shining mane , loftily moving, gaily neighing loving every sight she sees it seems.... Followed her for long, admiring her attitude, over the varying altitude, I forgot my path, long ago...... Courtesy:  animalszooguru.blogspot.com The black horse is still moving, towards oblivion in my heart, I forgot my path, I still follow her, to reach that dreamland, where nobody's step, ever dangled A place, mine and mine forever
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