The friends in my life
I can write a lot on this, honestly. I have had my fair share of friends. While life moved on, friends that were just meant to be stayed on. The ones that were just meant to be acquaintances got weeded out. It's not just me. I am sure that's how it is. Life.
The ones who stayed behind are special to me. We have stories that are unique just to us. Ages go by without one single text message, no signs of any contact or being in touch, and then Padam! Dishoom! One of us will remember "Hey! I have a friend that I still love so much and I wonder what happened to them." It all starts with a message (or two!) and what ensues afterward is a barrage of texts- incoming, outgoing, loads of dings. In Hindi we say - Aur dekhte hi dekhte kaise waqt nikal gaya pata nahi chala.
I am always amazed. I am amazed at the magic there is in the friendships that I have and how cherished and loved these friendships manage to make me feel.
I am blessed. All the times when life throws curveball after curveball at me, one of these messages dings and reminds me, that there are people who love me for who I am and whom I love for who they are. Unique, loving, caring human beings with a lot of their own quirks.
A was one of them. Then came N - my twin stressed-out sister! (IG Sir, you really know your stuff don't you, naming us that way! I still remember the last day of your class and how you gave each of us, a class full of 60-plus students, nicknames based on your astute observations).
At my lowest point when everyone ditched me for good or so I thought, P came to save me! However, annoyed I am by your shenanigans, dear P, I will never stop loving you, and I mean it!
After our Convocation, we all went our own ways. Four years passed by with all of us being busy as bees, flowing with the ebbs and flows of the river called Life. And then the tragedy of our lifetime hit us. It was like the Spanish flu of the 1920s but the 2020 version. We called it the Pandemic. We somehow reconnected and since then a small group of people stuck together. All the above-mentioned people along with AN - our stressed-out brother, joined this party.
A, P, AN, and I jammed so well. Occasionally N also swung by. We fought like kids too - over rules of games like Code Name. Or we played Among Us. Or we played the extremely laggy game called Overcooked2. And when we didn't do all those things we just chatted the night away, sometimes pulling each other's legs, often empathizing with each other's misfortunes, and then also celebrating each other's smallest of wins.
Their presence in my life is like a ray of sunshine. The calls have now become few and far between but there are some days when the stars align in a certain way, and all of us end up talking. It is magical.
One such day, last week, my dear friend N just messaged me. I did a double-take at first. I saw the message later and immediately messaged back. The conversation made me tear up. I laughed and cried at once.
N was so sweet to me. She told me how important I was to her and how she missed me. She just outright asked when was I going to visit her next!
We talked about the cycle rides we had and her love of the Sukhi (dry) Maggi that only I made which she scarfed down in my room. How she has perfected that recipe with her hubby and how she will make it for me when I go there. We reminisced about the heartfelt hugs that we shared and our love of languages and music, especially the ones we didn't understand. How we constantly get lyrics wrong, and how it is more about the music for us, even the background music that we can hum perfectly.
As the conversation progressed, I realized she remembered the littlest of things. and then she told me something that I will remind myself whenever I feel low and feel like I am in a dark place.
" My dear Pippuz. You are a rockstar. You always have been. Read your old blog entries. She was so naive. She didn't know much. But she was so so confident. You definitely know more than she did."
This really made me think, why is it that with more knowledge I just feel less confident, as if I do not know the world anymore. I really do know more than Pippuz of the past. Life beat me and taught me so many things. Yet I feel not so confident. I doubt myself so heavily. I really have no answer to this. No amount of introspection since that day gave me a satisfactory answer.
So I decided, this must be a wrong way of thinking that my belittling self picked up for no reason.
This is a gratitude post. I have not reached where I want to be. There are times when I doubt myself endlessly. Yet there are my friends and family who continue to believe in me. Immensely.
There are friends who left my side. I thank them too. You have taught me how important it is to value ourselves and leave when people and situations don't suit us. It's sad things didn't work out between us.
The friends who stuck. I love you. Thank you for not giving up on me. You all make my life better when everything slides towards the worse-o-meter!
About the Padam! Dishoom! reference, there is this channel on YouTube that I keep watching, Sheena Melwani's channel. Her lawyer husband, who is extremely hilarious and witty, says Padam! Dishoom! when he shoots the wackiest of jokes at Sheena and has managed to rest his case.
Comments